Below The Headlines - 33
If you want to marry a Shuwa Arab woman, it will cost you and Black Axe have pivoted into Yahoo
Welcome to another week of Nigerian news. We just published our first piece for the year on 1914 Reader. Cheery as ever, Tobi explains why reform is hard.
Enjoy this week’s selection of Nigerian shenanigans.
Inside Nigeria
Ranking the Nigerian ethnic groups with the longest and most expensive wedding lists. Shuwa Arab women from Borno and Yobe states are often stunning, but they do cost:
Marriage ceremonies in this tribe are usually long and elaborate. It could last for a week or more. The groom is obligated to give the family of the bride 12 gold coins and about 15 to 100 cows. The number of cows increases if she’s pretty and even more if she’s educated.
Late in December, Nigeria promoted a record breaking number of officers to Rear Admiral in the Nigerian Navy:
The Nigerian Navy, on Wednesday, decorated 29 senior officers newly promoted to the rank of Rear Admiral, with a charge to do more for the nation.
The News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) reports that the Navy Board had, on Dec. 22, approved the promotion of 29 Commodores to the rank of Rear Admiral and 28 Captains to the rank of Commodore.
Toke Makinwa reveals the result of her long running research project:
Nollywood actress and media personality Toke Makinwa has described Nigerian men as “the best in the world.”
She said despite her criticisms of Nigerian men, they are better compared to their counterparts around the world, especially the United Kingdom.
Speaking in the latest episode of her podcast, TokeMoments, she said: “No matter how I criticise Lagos boys, Nigerian men are just badly behaved. But I still think Naija men in the pool are still the best around the world.
“What UK girls are going through, I don’t understand. All my cousins in the UK when they tell me their dating stories, it is bad.”
Sometimes when officials of Nigerian government agencies can’t think of a ‘clean’ way to enrich themselves, they just abandon all decorum and pivot to direct stealing:
Nigerians flocking to the National Population Commission (NPC) in Abuja to obtain birth certificates have lamented the controversial levy which the agency’s officials collect from them in cash as “administrative charges.”
The NPC, Nigeria’s statutory body tasked with the registration of births, and deaths, and the conduct of population census, an exercise it last held in 2006.
There were no complaints about the suspicious levy until the agency recently raised it from N1,000 to N2,000, adding to the officially recognised N2,000 fee which applicants must pay directly to the government’s bank accounts.
No receipt is issued for the cash payment, our reporter learnt from recent applicants and during a visit to the NPC’s headquarters in Abuja.
News from Anambra:
The statement read partly, “Upon inquiry, the owners of the corpse said the mortician insisted that the corpse they were given was the one they brought, which according to them (the family) is not true.
“They alleged that the corpse, which was handed over to them, was that of an older woman, whereas theirs was a 26-year-old female. They also stated that the body deposited had a low cut before and after death.”
“But the body given to them had its hair weaved and that the body given to them has been operated upon whereas theirs never underwent any form of surgery, among other things they said were off about the body handed over to them.
It added, “Mr Sopuruchukwu Okeke notified the Commissioner for Women and Social Welfare, that was after they refused to take the corpse which the mortician was forcing down their throat. The owner of the mortuary, Uchenna Joseph, started threatening them for refusing to take the embalmed body which according to them isn’t what they deposited in the mortuary. The case was filed and called up at the Magistrates’ Court, Achalla, for hearing.”
What is the link between banditry and cheese I hear you ask? Well:
Chukwi, a locally made cheese from camel or cow milk, is popular in some states in northern Nigeria, bordering Niger Republic. Chukwi is substantially imported from Niger Republic; though a small amount is produced and processed locally in northern Nigeria.
The delicacy is, however, becoming increasingly scarce and expensive with many people attributing the development to the closure of the Nigeria-Niger border. Chukwi cheese, made from camel’s milk, is rich in protein, calcium and fat. It is commonly consumed in states like Katsina, Sokoto, Zamfara, Kano and Jigawa. Some eat chukwi with dates to give it a sweet taste.
Hajara Idris, a dietician at the Federal Teaching Hospital Katsina, said chukwi is good for young people who want to add weight but is not recommended for people who plan to lose weight.
“Chukwi helps bones grow and make teeth strong as it has the ingredients that help in the development of the body, especially for those who want to add weight. It is recommended more for children below the age of 15,” she said.
A short story from Kebbi with so many many layers to it:
Hunters in Kebbi State have rescued a woman and her two children from the forest after her husband was killed by bandits.
The woman and her children were taken into the forest after her husband was killed because she refused to marry a member of the bandits.
The State Commander of the Nigeria Hunters and Forest Security, Ambassador Musa Hussein Rambo, while addressing journalists at the press centre in the government house, Birnin Kebbi, said the woman and her children were discovered in the forest between the Fakai and Koko areas of the state.
Mrs. Doris Unkewu had had enough of not having enough:
An Abuja-based businesswoman, Mrs Doris Unekwu, on Thursday, urged a customary court in Jikwoyi, Abuja, to dissolve her marriage on the grounds of denial of her conjugal rights.
Unekwu, in a petition filed against her husband, Matthias, accused him of engaging in masturbation, physical and psychological abuse and denying her of her conjugal rights.
“My husband has long stopped having intimacy with me; I have done all that I can, but he still will not.
“On one occasion, I caught him masturbating, when I asked him why, he said he saw something online that he wanted to practice,” she said.
Healthcare in Nigeria:
Residents of Desalu Street, Odo-Ona, in the Ibadan South-West Local Government Area of Oyo State, were thrown into confusion on Friday afternoon as a sick woman identified as Blessing Ayeni was dropped at the frontage of her husband’s shop by officials of an undisclosed hospital.
According to an eyewitness, Remilekun Tawose, officials of the hospital claimed that Blessing had been abandoned at the hospital since last year.
For this reason, the hospital was left with no option other than bringing her to the known address of her husband, which is his shop where he sells alcoholic drinks.
Outside Nigeria
Can you please find out which Nigerians forfeited $9m worth of property to the Government of Jersey late last year and get back to this newsletter? Thank you kindly:
On 29 November 2023, His Majesty's Attorney General served a forfeiture notice under Article 10 (1) of the Forfeiture of Assets (Civil Proceedings) (Jersey) Law 2018 seeking the forfeiture of approximately US$8.9 million of tainted property deposited into a Jersey bank account by Nigerian companies in 2014. On 12 January 2024 the Royal Court granted the Attorney General's application to forfeit that property.
Another Nigerian wins a discrimination case at an employment tribunal in the UK:
An employee at a multinational pharmaceutical company has won a discrimination claim after a white boss told her she operated on “African time”.
Tolulope Fayokun told an employment tribunal that her manager had “fatally poisoned” their relationship by presenting her with an outline of the “Nigerian traits” she allegedly exhibited.
Alessandra Toro, at the time director for strategic insights and analytics at Johnson & Johnson, was said to have researched Nigerian workplaces and implied that Fayokun was lazy. Toro told Fayokun at one point that although she viewed work deadlines as “fixed”, Nigerian workplaces were “fluid”.
A feature on Ben Obano, the rugby union player who plays for Bath. He is, interestingly, Maro Itoje’s cousin:
The scrummaging skills were added later, but the carrying was there from the time he made his way towards the professional game as a centre. How he became a centre, though, is quite some story. Growing up in Peckham Rye, the son of Nigerian parents, he first encountered rugby as a 13-year-old at the London Oratory School in Fulham. His early appearances were made on the wing, but a suspension from school jeopardised his progress.
“I got suspended a few times,” he says. “[Once] we were on the coach to play rugby and some kid says ‘Shut up’ to me. I said, ‘Say that again and I’ll bang you.’ He says it again, so I bang him. But the peak thing was that we were travelling in [a convoy of] coaches and the headmaster was sitting in the coach behind. He can see through the window at the back, he can see me punching this guy. We got off the coach and everyone says, ‘You’re not playing today.’
“That was it, suspended. But the head of sport was the year above. They said, ‘Come back, play for the year above, they’re a good year group and the head of sport will watch over you.’ They put me in the centre for the whole season. I then played in the centre for Middlesex and was picked up by Wasps.”
On the way to the front row, there was a brief stop-off in the back row too. “In the under-18s league for Wasps, I played No 6,” he says. “Steffon Armitage was doing really well at the time, they saw a similar build in me. But I think I was probably always going to be a prop.”
In 2014, he was due to play for the England Under-20 team that was captained by his cousin, Maro Itoje, who lived in north London, only for a serious back injury to intervene, leading to his release by Wasps and his move to Bath. The cousins had played alongside each other only once, in an England Under-18 trial game, and would not do so again until Obano made his international debut in 2021. And then their family — Itoje’s father, Efe, is the elder brother of Obano’s father, Frank — were unable to watch in person because of Covid restrictions.
A Nigerian couple in Indianapolis had a ‘pop-up wedding’ in a cafe that then went viral when the owner of the cafe demanded payment as they had not been told the reservation was for a wedding:
During the initial meeting on Dec. 5, there had been no talk of payment. Ms. Bolomope said she had understood from Mr. Barrow that she and Mr. Akanni did not need to reserve the venue as long as their guests bought drinks or baked goods. (The couple’s backup plan, in case Mansion Society fell through, was simple: They would marry at home.)
After the wedding, that changed. In an email exchange with Mr. Barrow and the younger Ms. Lezama, Ms. Bolomope acknowledged that the wedding party had been larger than she initially thought.
“I’m willing to make a $200 donation to the coffee shop if possible,” she wrote.
Mr. Barrow called for $725, citing “lost sales.” (Ana Lezama said over email that the entire wedding party had bought only six lattes and four croissants. The total came to about $50. There was no tip, she said.)
“That is unreasonable,” Ms. Bolomope wrote back about Mr. Barrow’s suggested fee.
The younger Ms. Lezama entered the fray. “We don’t need a donation of $200,” she wrote. “We need you to pay the fee to use a place that you did not previously hire for a wedding ceremony.”
If you watched The Harder They Fall on Netflix a couple of years ago, you would have noticed it was made by Jeymes Samuel, the younger brother of Seal a.k.a Henry Olumide Samuel. A feature on him:
Samuel, 44, is an animated cyclone of exuberant energy. He wears a shirt with big block letters shouting his mantra: “OBEY YOUR CRAZY.” Larger than life at 6-foot-2, he has an enormous smile and giant hands that are quick to dap you up or wrap you in a bear hug. Over coffee in a swanky Beverly Hills hotel, he breaks into song to demonstrate a point or reference a Prince jam or a classic film score — and, being the younger brother of Seal, his voice is silky, smoky silver.
A West Londoner of Nigerian and Afro-Brazilian descent, Samuel isn’t shy about his inspirations, which, in the new film, range from “Quo Vadis” to the sitcom “Taxi.” They’re all filtered through his unique mind, eye and vocal cords with the final goal, as Samuel puts it, “to be as Jeymes as possible.” That starts with the declamatory choice to populate historically white genres with predominantly Black casts. On his film sets — “Clarence” was shot in Matera, Italy, doubling for Jerusalem circa the time of Christ — music blasts from giant loudspeakers between takes, triggering breakout dance parties for cast and crew, with Samuel leading the way.
10 things about the Dangote Refinery:
The refinery which sits on 2,635 hectares of swampland – about six times the size of Victoria Island – was from the ground up with barely existing infrastructure.
About 65 million cubic metres of sand was dredged using the world’s largest dredgers and costing approximately €300m ($326m).
For the civil works, a total of 250,000 piles were drilled. The facility has a total of 177 tanks of 4.742 billion litres capacity.
The refinery, powered by a 435 megawatts power plant, also has the largest subsea pipeline infrastructure in the world, with a capacity to handle three billion cubic metres of oil annually.
In Ireland, the Black Axe are now just internet fraudsters:
INVESTIGATORS have identified over 1,000 people in Ireland connected to a €70million global fraud scam, we can reveal.
Detectives from the Garda National Economic Crime Bureau investigating the ‘Black Axe’ crime gang have also arrested 327 people for money laundering and 84 people under organised crime legislation.
Feature on the great Victor Osimhen:
He scored his first senior goal in his first start for Charleroi, an audacious backheel against Beveren, and would go on to find the net 20 times from 36 games that season. And this is where that canny initial agreement really paid off: at the end of the season, Charleroi activated the €3million purchase price, despite Wolfsburg making a vain attempt to keep him, and then immediately flipped him for €15m to Lille. As nifty moves in the transfer market go, it’s up there with the niftiest.
The rest of the story you probably already know. The 18 goals in Ligue 1 for Lille. The €70million transfer to Napoli. The Scudetto and the Capocannoniere in 2023. The African Footballer of the Year award, the one he said he always wanted, the first Nigerian to win it since Nwankwo Kanu in 1999
Federal prosecutors in Michigan are asking victims of a Nigerian internet fraud scheme to come forward:
Federal prosecutors are seeking any victims in connection with an internet fraud scheme that operated in West Michigan and across the country.
This comes after four people are facing charges related to schemes that went on between 2017 and 2022 and defrauded more than $2 million from people, according to the U.S. Attorney for the Western District of Michigan.
An indictment charged Fatai Okunola, 37, of Kalamazoo, Oluwaseyi and Ijeoma Adeola, 33 and 35, both from Dallas, Texas, and Cory McDougal, 32, of Romeoville, Illinois with conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud. Okunola and Oluwaseyi Adeola were also charged in connection with their naturalization or attempt to naturalize as U.S. citizens.
The suspects allegedly worked with individuals in Nigeria to create fake personas online and form relationships with the victims.
Another day another boat accident claiming lives:
Eight passengers were confirmed dead and an estimated 100 were missing after their overloaded boat capsized in north-central Nigeria, the emergency services said Tuesday.
It is the latest in a series of deadly boat accidents that increasingly point to regulatory failures.
The passengers were being conveyed from Niger state’s Borgu district to a market in the neighboring Kebbi state on Monday afternoon when the boat overturned in the Niger River, according to Niger State Emergency Management Agency spokesman Ibrahim Audu.
“The boat was overloaded so the strong wind affected them,” Audu said.
He said the boat's capacity is 100 passengers but it was estimated to be carrying a much higher number, in addition to bags of grain, making it difficult to control when it began to sink.
6 minute video by Lola Shoneyin for the FT on the fragility of democracy in Nigeria and Africa. With music by Made Kuti:
Democratic freedoms can vanish in a gunshot, warns the Nigerian writer in a powerful film featuring poetry, dance, and an original score from Made Kuti, the grandson of Fela Kuti. This the second of four films from around the world examining the state of democracy, government, rights and freedoms
What kidnappers are doing to Nigerians and Nigeria:
At his inauguration last May Mr Tinubu declared security his “top priority”. Yet more than 3,600 people were kidnapped in 2023, the most ever, according to acled, a global monitor of conflict. The snatching rose sharply after Mr Tinubu took office. And almost 9,000 Nigerians were killed in conflict last year (see chart).
Throwback - 2015 video on Nigerians caught between Nigeria and Japan
And finally, this does not explicitly mention Nigeria but as we’ve been talking a lot about the internationalisation of Nigerian food lately, this piece on ‘gastrodiplomacy’ is worth a read:
In 2009, South Korea committed $10 million of funding for South Korean chefs to travel abroad and attend culinary school. In 2011, the Peruvian government launched an internet campaign in which celebrities including Al Gore, Eva Mendez, and Peruvian author Mario Vargas Llosa were filmed endorsing Peruvian cuisine. Gastrodiplomacy has become a particularly popular tool with East and Southeast Asian governments, as rapid economic growth has led to an increased desire for countries like Thailand, Malaysia, and South Korea to establish themselves on the international stage.